I remember how I felt the first time I walked into 20s, our church’s young adult ministry. There I stood facing a room full of 18-29 year-olds, and I was terrified. I was supposed to lead a small group of these people. At the thought, I felt all of my middle school insecurities bubbling up inside me once again.  

What if no one likes me? 

I don’t know anyone…why is talking to new people so hard? 

What if I’m socially awkward and make a bad first impression? 

Why am I even here? 

Through that experience of being the “new person,” God gradually taught me some valuable lessons. Here are three powerful things I learned that have helped me love others well even when I’m feeling insecure or uncomfortable:

1 | Life is Not About Me

For the first few months or more of leading a 20s discipleship group, self-consciousness easily consumed my mind. “Who was I to lead this group of young women?” I thought. “I have my own struggles too!” But in those moments, God reminded me through His Word and through the encouragement of other believers that my life is not my own. In the end, it doesn’t matter what other people think about me. All that matters is what people think of Him! For me to be obsessed with what other people think was to pridefully place myself and the approval of man above the approval of God. While people pleasing and seeking the approval of others is certainly something I still wrestle with, this realization has given me so much freedom! 

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,” – Colossians 3:23 

2 | Don’t Be Afraid to Say Hello

I am not an extrovert. Talking to people is hard! It’s especially hard for me to talk to people I don’t know. Being in 20s surrounded by people I didn’t know put me in a very uncomfortable situation that I resisted embracing. I found a few “safe” people that made me feel more comfortable and, for a while, didn’t make much of an effort to talk to new people. To be honest, I think the only times I truly reached out to people I didn’t know were when I felt guilty for not being more welcoming. But over time, the Lord worked on my heart and challenged me to grow. As believers—introverts included—we are called to love one another with genuine affection and to approach each other with hospitality. Hospitality is more than hosting people in your home. It’s an attitude of welcoming. It’s purposeful friendliness towards those you don’t yet know (and those you do know that might be harder to love). 

“Love one another with brotherly affection…Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” – Romans 12:10-13 

3 | Offer Friendship Freely

Over the past year and a half or more of living in a new town, attending a new church, and adjusting to a new life, I found myself placing expectations on others to reach out to me in friendship instead of reaching out to them. “I’m the new one in town,” I told myself. “They should be trying to reach out to me, not the other way around.”  Where did we get this from? The idea that if we’re the new person or if we’re struggling in some way, others should intuitively know that we need their friendship and support? While, yes, your brothers and sisters in Christ should be on the lookout for the lonely and struggling, they can’t read your mind! And some of us, including myself, have gotten good at hiding what lies beneath the surface of our lives. Don’t hoard your friendship. Share it freely with others without the expectation of friendship being extended in return. Love before being loved. After all, isn’t that what Jesus did for us? 

“but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 

What’s your biggest struggle when it comes to loving others well? 

Comment on this post and tell me what stood out to you! I’d love to hear what you found most encouraging or impactful!